true love vs. real life love

When I was a teen I would sit out on the metal field gate at our farm and stare up at the night sky, asking God for what He probably gets sick of hearing : true love.

But I had no idea what that meant, so God probably laughed a bit at this silly, overly-romantic girl with literal stars shining in her eyes.

Fact : I had watched WAY too many romantic comedies during my childhood. My mom loved movies and had a VHS/DVD library that would make your eyes goggle. Fond memories with my mom include snuggling up and watching movies nearly every afternoon in the summer when school was out.

Because of this obsessive movie watching, I didn’t actually want “true love” – I wanted “romantic comedy love.” I wanted Sandra Bullock While You Were Sleeping kind of love. I wanted Audrey Hepburn Roman Holiday kind of love. I wanted Aladdin and Jasmine kinda love. (Yep, I’d take even cartoon love.) A Whole New World played in my head anytime I daydreamed about the love I would have someday, which was often. Every turn would be a surprise. Every moment would get better. Right?

Clearly I was pretty naive, and had watched so many love stories unfold on the screen, that I had set myself up for a massive reality gut-check: real life love.

I met Paul when I was nineteen, almost twenty. My relationship with a nice guy from my hometown had just ended (read : I got dumped) and I did something many women do when they get dumped…

I made a completely rash decision.

I decided I would move across the country, from Minnesota to Oregon! I would start fresh! No breakup would keep me down! So I applied to a college in Portland, accepted a scholarship, and meticulously mapped out on my giant Rand McNally road map the pathway to my new life, where surely true love would find me. I told everyone my plan. I put in notice at my job. It was happening.

Two months before I was supposed to move I met Paul.

I came home from my job at a shoe store, opened the door to the apartment I shared with two other girls, and there HE was.

The breath nearly went out of me. I had never felt such a crazy feeling meeting someone. Paul had a huge dimpled smile and was wearing an Abercrombie + Fitch T-shirt that stated “I’m Easy” across the front. He stuck out his hand confidently in greeting and while I hesitate to say it was “love at first sight” I definitely felt something I’d never felt before or ever would again upon meeting a beau.

It was most certainly our “meet cute.”

To make a long convoluted love story short, we started dating almost immediately, had a whirlwind romance where we saw each other every waking moment for two months. And yes, I DID move to Portland, with the Dixie Chicks blaring out the open windows of my Dodge Neon…but after only three weeks I decided had to move back and give Paul and my relationship a fighting chance.

Best decision ever.

We dated another four months until he had to move back to finish school in Kentucky and then…we broke up. Lost touch, reconnected, got engaged, then I broke off the engagement. We both moved to Cincinnati, dated, broke up, got back together and got engaged again.

Nothing about our five years of dating would inspire a Meg Ryan rom-com. But it was true love, just as I had prayed for. It was real, and exciting, and romantic, and in many ways, at many points during, our relationship did live up to my movie fantasies.

But there were also the other parts. The dark parts. The lonely parts. The not knowing really what to do. The mistakes and hurts. The indecision. Because sometimes true love arrives before you are ready for it, or before you feel you deserve it. Sometimes you run from it (right Julia Roberts?)

The photo below shows two kids, in love, with absolutely no idea that they would arrive at marriage six years later.

The next photo shows us now, almost twenty years later. A bit grayer, hairier, heavier – looking a bit more Something’s Gotta Give than French Kiss. But that is okay. I still crave the romance and the movie moments (and sometimes I get them) but this is “real life love” and the realness is strangely what makes it so very good.